Jamaica Rector! Tony Ugoh! It's Cowboys-Colts Preseason Football!

This is my first post. I used to think I was creative, apparently that is not true. Which is why I decided to post my thoughts on some of the Dallas - Indy game. I love football, and I like to think I know something about it. Most of this knowledge comes from my stellar career as an undersized tight end at Pine Tree Middle School's 7th grade football team, where my "helmet would break" so many times I missed a lot of plays. Anyway, here goes.

Cowboys Preseason Game 1 – Dallas v. Indianapolis

Yes, preseason games are terrible, but I’ve been waiting for some actual football for months now, and I can’t help but get excited about it. The only thing I really want to see is how the 1^st team looks against a bunch of scrub Colt rookies, and how former Baylor Bears great Trent Shelton, looks, and if he will make the team. However, I may not make it long enough to see him play before I start playing FIFA and/or Guitar Hero.

Man I hate Everybody Loves Raymond.

Listening to the Cowboys radio pre game show, I’ve always thought Larry Brown was overrated as a Cowboy. He had two passes thrown right to him for picks in a Super Bowl, which he parlayed into a big contract with the Raiders where he absolutely blew. However, he is a pretty good radio host.

Over/Under on time FOX spent on the opening montage is at 15 minutes, all of which was dubbing in those scary looking black question marks.

Damn, I thought this was going to be a local broadcast. Nope, Joe Buck.

This joke is played out, but Wade Phillips may or may not have bigger boobs than Bill Parcells.

The big question that the sports analyst like to talk about this year is how you keep all the offensive weapons on the Cowboys happen. Did they even watch last season? It’s the same freaking team. They’ll probably have 2 1000 yard receivers and a running back by committee again this year, and its not like Whitten didn’t have 75 catches last year either.

Is there a less successful play in the NFL than the half back toss? In 7^th grade, its usually safe to toss it to your 6’2” black dude and let him run people like me over (as we turn and run away of course), but when everyone is the same size its different. Yet teams always do it.

Romo completely misses a wide open Jason Whitten, instead overthrowing Terrell Owens. I imagine it’s a race thing, being that Romo’s great-great uncle was black.

I think a cool first name would be Shark. I don’t know why, but with the names these days, I think it could work.

Cowboys settling for a field goal. I imagine that is it for the first team. Not a bad drive, but the fake reverse/hand off to Barber loss for 5 yards really killed the drive. Not sure why would you run a trick-ish play when the yards were coming so easy. Oh well. 3-0 Dallas.

There’s your first shot of the Cowboys crazy ass Wade Phillips 3-4 blitzing defense. A wide open Marvin Harrison for a first down. Fuck you Parcells.

Roy Williams seemed to pick up right where he left off last year. Big play for Harrison. It wasn’t his responsibility though, so its cool. I blame Merton Hank’s neck. Aside – Am I making it up or did he one time pick a ball off with his neck?

Nice break up by Anthony Henry, who gets some shit but he had the most balls thrown to him of any cornerback in the league last year. (Or something like that)

Shawn Andrus hits the field goal, trying to earn a spot on the Indianapolis Arena League 2 team.

Peyton Manning looks like a tool wearing his visor, an ugly one at that. I am a Manning fan, but he would look cooler wearing a sombrero on the sidelines than that visor.

Second thought, Phillips boobs are smaller than Parcells.

Romo is back, make that the first of hundreds of errors on my part this season.

Personal foul on Jeff Charleston. Nothing says I am an intense guy looking to make the team than an unnecessary stupid hit on a QB already lying on the turf.

FYI – Leonard Davis has 21 brothers and sisters. Rumors that he may have eaten 2 or 3 of them at birth, alligator style, have not been confirmed.

Romo is 8-9 for 80 yards against a make shift Colts defense. I once scored 14 points as an 8^th grader against a private school varsity girls basketball team. If there’s a difference in the two performances, I don’t see it.

3^rd down in the red zone in the 2^nd quarter of the first preseason game. This play screams Fumblerooski.

Ok, I am tired of thinking of not funny things to say. I may have some more later when Trent Shelton gets in the game.