As the eyes of America were fixed intently on the man who was to break the most fabled record in all of baseball and possibly sports altogether, his predecessor to the title was having a glass of warm milk and hitting the hay. Hank Aaron was not in attendance when his record was surpassed, hell he wasn't even awake.
"It was 1 o'clock in the morning....Heck, I'm not going to sit up and watch a baseball game"
After that comment he told some kids to "Git them damn roller scooters off my lawn! You little sumbitches!" while wildly waving a rolled up newspaper.
I like the way Hank had dealt with the Bonds situation. He's been treating it like it's not really happening, which it isn't. Of course, he might just be senile as shit and nobody has noticed yet. No one knew Broadway Joe way a skeezy perv until he asked Suzy Colber to kiss him on a Monday night game. Bonds will hit a few more home runs this season, a few next season, and then be indicted for juicing like female Russian at the Olympics. His record will be wiped away and he'll slip into a big depression. He'll start hanging around Pete Rose and probably start smoking a bunch of weed. 10 years down the road he'll be offering baseball lessons at 30 bucks an hour, competitive to Gheorghe Muresan's private sessions for "wannabe ballers" ( https://secure.washingtoncitypaper.com/cgi-bin/Archive/docDisplay.bat?path=q:%5CDocRoot/2005/050506/B)
Hell, I'd spent 80 bucks to hang with Muresan for two hours. We'd go get shitfaced and play Frisbee at my house. I would intentionally throw it in the gutter and say, "oh no! the Frisbee is in the gutter, now we can't play anymore" Gheorghe would get real happy and exclaim "Don't worry, I can get it!" Then he would reach up and grab it and we would high five. Afterwards, I'd crawl in the papoose I made and we would hit the town.
Back to Bonds. You can see the resentment the nation has for him in everything he does. When he broke the single season home run record, nobody even took their hand out of their pants to applaud. They just kind of collectively leaned over, farted, and mumbled "good for him." I believe that general feeling is still haunting Bonds. If he wasn't such a fucking jerkass to everyone he met, he might find some substantial fan support in his hitting endeavors. Everyone loved it when McGuire and Sosa were blasting dingers a few years back. Those guys have likable personalities. McGuire is a big Irish guy who destroys fastballs, and Sosa is a guy who was just glad to be an American playing baseball.
So I suggest a media fanblitz to improve Bond's image, and dressing up like Paula Abdul is not one of them, that shit was just creepy. He needs to be cartoonized and featured in a popular kids show helping everybody out. Much like Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky, and Bo Jackson did in their series "Pro-Stars."
They kicked an immense amount of ass on that T.V. show.
nice.
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